How To Get a Boyfriend as an Adult When You Are Introverted

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The invention of online dating is one of the biggest reliefs for introverts around the world. Finally, there is an alternative to the previously extrovert-friendly method of approaching and striking up a conversation with a stranger. With more and more online options available, introverts are better equipped to find a great match in a way that is comfortable for them.

To get a boyfriend as an adult when you are introverted, understand your preferences. You can also try online dating, using apps and sites focused on a deeper connection, and less unnecessary stimulation, such as Hinge, Match, and Bumble. Be authentic and remember that feeling anxious is natural.  

However, it’s not just the use of an app that will help an introvert find a partner. By better understanding themselves and what they prefer, they will navigate what can often feel like an extrovert-dominated world. In the rest of this article, we will explore the inner world of the partner-seeking introvert and what apps and platforms would be best for them.

Understand Your Preferences

Introverts can often feel like they live in an extrovert world and may struggle to fully understand and accept their personalities. It can be hard to see people like them reflected in the culture around them, so they may struggle with trying to date the way an extrovert would. They may find the whole experience exhausting and frustrating and wonder what’s gone wrong.

By getting to know your introverted tendencies better, you will be able to navigate a new path when dating that feels more natural and enjoyable. Let’s take a look at some of the key characteristics of introverts.

There are many misconceptions in the world today about introverts. Extroverts and introverts are often reduced to “outgoing” and “shy,” respectively, but this is not an accurate description. The best way to understand the difference between the two is where they find energy.

For extroverts, being at a party and engaging socially with lots of different people provides them energy. They will leave a big networking event feeling fully charged. They thrive on connecting with many people, even if it is just at a surface level. However, this is not the case for introverts. Introverts are energetically drained by these large events with high amounts of surface-level social stimulation.

From this information, sometimes people wrongly conclude that introverts aren’t social. Again, this is a misconception. Introverts tend to prefer very small groups or one-on-one interaction to engage in deeper conversations with people who matter to them. They tend to prefer a few close friends to many acquaintances. This type of social interaction can be energizing to them.

For the introvert, the group dynamic is draining. They are likely to fade into the background, even if they would likely be talkative with any one member of that group. For them, the amount of energy required to engage with multiple people at the same time is too much. They can also get frustrated by the lack of depth reached in a conversation when everyone is participating actively and keeping the conversation at the surface level.

Additionally, introverts value their alone time. They look forward to quiet time spent by themselves to engage with their hobbies or simply rest. The idea of being alone, which might stress out an extrovert, is a common and valued part of the introvert’s ideal routine.

The amount of time introverts prefer to be in these states is also unique. They tend to happily dedicate extended periods of time to be alone while only engaging in their preferred social activities for short spurts. This ratio tends to be the opposite for extroverts.

Introverts don’t always feel the need to share their inner world with others. They typically have a deep and rich inner world, so it’s not a matter of not having something to say. They are not likely to share their thoughts with just anyone. They are also far more likely to stay quiet until someone directly asks them their opinion. They might even need to be asked more than once before they finally start sharing.

Introverts are also the less impulsive of the two. They like to take their time before making decisions. This tendency can show up on dating apps where they tend to overthink if they like someone when an extrovert would just immediately swipe left or right on an impulse. This can keep introverts from making timely decisions and even cause them to miss out on opportunities altogether.

Use Dating Apps

Meeting the right people and dating can be particularly challenging for introverts, as it involves things like talking to new people and leaving the house. Normally, if you’re interested in meeting like-minded people, people may suggest that you join a class to learn a new skill that you’re interested in or attending a club or event that aligns with your interests.

However, for introverts, these things will require extensive social energy and may exhaust them to the point where they stop going. Because of this, dating apps are a good choice for introverts. They have the chance to match with a like-minded person without ever leaving the house or engaging in unnecessary small talk.

Dating apps provide a one-on-one opportunity to get to know someone, allowing the introvert to skip over any big group dynamics. This connection begins over text, and if the introvert feels comfortable and decides meeting this person would be a good use of energy, it can continue in real life.

However, not all dating apps are created equal when it comes to introverted users. Tinder, for example, maybe one of the most popular apps in the world, but it may be unbearable for introverts. An endless stream of people can be overstimulating in and of itself, but beyond that, people on Tinder may not be very interested in in-depth conversations. Too much time on Tinder may spoil the idea of online dating for an introvert.

Here we have three of the top dating apps that introverts may find themselves most comfortable with using. All three of these apps have free options available, meaning there is no need to commit financially to any of these options to set up a profile. Let’s take a look at Hinge, Match, and Bumble.


Hinge’s slogan should give you an idea of the intention behind this platform: “The dating app designed to be deleted.” The idea is that using this app should lead to a real connection and, ultimately, the relationship you’ve been looking for. It has avoided some of the gamified qualities of apps like Tinder that are designed to keep people coming back to the platform and stay engaged in swiping.

This app encourages its users to share their inner worlds when setting up their profiles initially. There are plenty of options to fill in, helping you share details about what matters to you in your life and what matters to you in your partner. This might include education, religion, or a variety of other relevant points.

Hinge goes further than just these single-word identifiers, though. To set up your profile in the first place, you must first answer three open-ended questions. This gives you a chance to show your thoughts and personality to potential matches. It also guarantees that everyone on the platform is sharing their inner world as well. A common complaint from introverted users of Tinder might be, “They never write anything in their profiles!”

Since introverts are easily overwhelmed by social stimulation, they may enjoy the algorithm used by Hinge to show you the people you are most likely to match with. This keeps the experience from feeling overwhelming and allows you to spot someone you may be excited to talk to and get to know.

This platform also limits the number of likes people can send a day, meaning that people have to be more intentional with who they interact with. This intentionality contributes to a more meaningful space where people think about their actions and engage with others more respectfully.


Match is another good option for introverts entering into the online dating world. It is one of the original dating platforms and is quite established to find long-term relationships. Because of their reputation and long lifespan, they’re one of the biggest platforms out there. There is a wide range of singles using the platform, looking for more committed relationships than what you may find on other sites.

While there are paid versions of it available, you can still access the site for free. With a paid subscription, you can unlock more features, like most of the dating apps available. However, Match usually has the reputation of being expensive, which can be true if you are looking for a premium membership. However, you can try this site out and see who you meet without spending any money.

Your profile on Match can go beyond basic information and prompts. They have one of the most extensive sets of templates to set up your profile, and the information selected usually stays away from the superficial. You can open up more about who you are as a person and what you are looking for in someone else.

Once you make a match, the site has designed games and other interactive features you can play with potential romantic partners. These features can be appealing to introverts who may stress over the first messages they write to a stranger they are attracted to.

However, the best feature of this site for introverts is their Incognito Mode. This allows you to browse the site without anyone being able to see your profile. Introverts will love this feature, as they can take their time reviewing potential matches without getting overwhelmed with messages and other interactions on the platform.


If you’re looking to meet introverted men, Bumble may be a good place to find them. This app was created by a female ex-Tinder employee and has tailored the experience to give women more control.

On Bumble, you swipe left or right on profiles as you would on Tinder. You swipe left if you are uninterested in the person and swipe right if you would like to match with them. Bumble offers many templates and prompts you can use to fill out your profile extensively, but it is up to the user how much information they choose to share.

There are also areas where you can fill in your desired type of relationship, typical cigarette and alcohol use, pets, zodiac sign, and other assorted factors that may help potential matches get a sense of who you are. There are also open-ended questions you can answer to display your personality or show off your sense of humor.

Another feature of Bumble that women tend to appreciate is the strict photo rules. Men are not allowed to post shirtless pics unless they are at the beach. They must include clear pictures of their face, with no exceptions. This helps eliminate those not interested in presenting their true selves in an honest and respectful way.

When a match does occur, the biggest difference on Bumble is that only the woman can message first. This can be very appealing to introverts who may not enjoy receiving endless messages from every match they make. Once a match is made, the woman has 24 hours to make the first move. After that, the match disbands.

It’s possible that introverted women may be thinking, “but maybe I don’t want to have to speak first.” While that is a very real introvert instinct, there is a hidden benefit to consider. If you are an introverted woman, you may be looking for a like-minded introverted man to be in a happy, quiet, and understanding relationship. Men who may feel shy about always having to make the first move enjoy Bumble’s set-up for this reason.

Even though introverted women may need to muster all their courage for the first text, they may be pleasantly surprised with the guys they are able to connect with through this platform. If they match with someone and decide against messaging, the match disappears after 24 hours anyway. For its similarities to Tinder, Bumble offers a less stimulating option that gives introverted women more control over their level of social interaction on the platform.

Now you’ve got your app of choice downloaded, and you’re feeling brave and ready to begin. Even if you’re comfortable at home in your pajamas, this can still be a stressful experience for an introvert. Let’s go over a few more tips to make the experience go as well as possible.

Be Authentic

It’s important that you own who you are and represent that through your dating profile, no matter what your personality type. If you want to attract someone who is really attracted to the real you, you will need to honestly show who you are.

This may mean ditching the super flattering selfie with great lighting for a picture of you doing something you enjoy. A natural picture of you doing your favorite activity will be more authentic than a carefully filtered glamor shot. If you show the real you, and someone is interested in who that person is, you are already in a better position of finding the right person for you.

This also takes some of the pressure off of the first date. The person you will meet already has a sense of who you are and was more attracted to that than if your hair was perfect in that picture. You can feel more at ease and more able to be yourself, knowing that the other person is interested in exactly who you are.

Keep in Mind That Being Anxious Is Natural

For introverts, overthinking and anxiety can be a given. The nerves leading up to the date and the stress of what to say after can discourage introverts from wanting to try at all. However, if an introvert can keep in mind that this is natural for them, they can allow the feeling to exist alongside what might be enjoyable.

After all, they are meeting with someone they are interested in, and they are doing so in a one-on-one context. This kind of social interaction is very appealing to introverts, and they may be able to enjoy the thoughtful conversations that follow deeply. If they accept that they may experience anxiety along the way and decide not to fight with it, they may be able to allow themselves to enjoy the fun parts of the process even more.

Final Thoughts

With a better understanding of introvert characteristics and a few dating apps to help get started, any introvert can begin their online dating journey today. By interacting with the platforms comfortably, introverts can enjoy the comfort of matching and chatting with new people without ever leaving home. This puts them in the best position to find someone in a pressure-free way that they can then meet on their own terms.

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