We all know how scary it can be asking anyone out on a date but if you’re the strong silent type (think Mr Darcy!), an introvert, then this date stuff is particularly difficult.
Yes, sweaty palms aside, it is a social necessity.
What would we do though without Tinder and those other internet dating miracles which can cut-out the initial approach and fear of rejection?
Introverts are scared of their own silence at times like this– ‘what happens if I can’t think of anything to say?’.
So what if your approach is kind of stilted and clumsy – what’s the betting she’s terrified too?
There are some women who’ll try and over-compensate the silence by taking control and tend to dominate – that’s not a good idea.
Where to date?
What is a good idea is to find an environment that you feel comfortable in – a loud, noisy nightclub is definitely not the place for you, if you are an introvert.
You want somewhere that showcases your best qualities which are calmness, level-headedness, perhaps quirkiness, definitely mysterious.
Art galleries, chic cafes, a quiet bar perhaps one with a view, perhaps even a gentle stroll around the park are all the right type of environments suited to your personality type – places where you can get to know each other without the background of competition.
We all know how picky we can be when choosing a new partner so make sure you get the timings right – don’t plan a first date that is going to last for hours.
What’ll happen is that you’ll know in the first ten minutes whether you want to make a go of this with this new lady.
If you’ve made a mistake, you could be stuck with her for hours if you haven’t planned the first date properly…
Short and sweet is my advice.
How to date an introverted girl?
As we all know, there is so much confusion around the hype – let’s cut out the noise (very apt for an introvert) and get down to business.
Before we start let’s clear one thing up.
Introvert (the same applies for extroverts) is not a one size fits all label.
Like many other personality traits, they exist on a continuum. Most introverts and extroverts will fall between the two extremes, expressing the traits in differing intensities at different times.
There are some basic well knowns though.
Fact – introverts get their energy from within. They dislike noise and are drained by social events. They are uncomfortable with small talk and prefer one-on-one.
Why then, would you ever take an introverted woman on a first date to somewhere where you can’t even hear each other talk?
Introverted women hate the phone – it’s just more small talk. Text, email. These are quick and easy forms of communication which aren’t in your face.
How To Date An Introverted Man?
Dating an introverted man can be a challenge.
One of the main reasons is that they are not forthcoming with their feelings or emotions, so they are hard to read.
At the same time though they can be charming, witty, warm and gentle.
One thing introverted men love is not to feel too pressured.
Keep a friendly laid back approach to them when in conversation, make sure your body language is non-threatening.
In an introverted man, there is a lot more going on in his head than meets the eye.
They may be a little slower to express themselves or their expressions might be a bit understated.
Don’t be fooled they are feeling a lot, it just takes them more time to express themselves.
Finally, introverted men love to feel relaxed and that they can be themselves.
When you show them you are interested in them for who they are they will relax and be more receptive to you.
Online Dating
In today’s world of online dating (there are now over 1500 dating apps) how do you approach it from an introvert or extrovert perspective?
Over 40 million Americans now use an online dating app. That is quite a pond to find your fish!
On the face of it, online dating should appeal to the introvert in us.
Introverts tend to be good at expressing themselves in writing, and many of us are used to the online communication methods as we are well practiced through our social media activities.
Introverts are generally good at meeting people online and reading between the lines.
So tips to be successful online for both an introvert and extrovert.
1. Don’t always go for free or cheap apps. Sites that actually make a charge are likely to get more serious takers. Experiment and find on one that fits with you.
2. Try not to be too generic in your profile. Try and go a bit quirky, we all love cuddling on the sofa watching a film, not many of us like to have an interest in tarantula’s – try to find the unusual and celebrate it.
3. Look for important cues in the responses you get. Is every picture of your intended always surrounded by others, dancing at parties, arms around all their mates?
Is that what you are looking for?
Be selective online as you would in the real world.
4. There will come a time when you will have to go on that one-on-one date. However, you normally shine when it is a one on one.
It will probably be a bit easier as you have gotten to know the person beforehand by email and a bit of online chat, so hopefully, the painful small talk can be minimized.
5. You might want to plan some activity on your first date. Have a meal sure, but why not combine it with a pub quiz or bowling first. Just breaks the ice a bit and you might find you have more in common than you think.
6. Final tip. Don’t give up too early with online dating. Be patient, you can always suspend your profile and have a break from it.
